i honestly just need someone to come into my life that really genuinely cares about me and wants to sit and have long conversations about things that actually matter and wants to go on adventures late at night and wants to be there for me at my lowest points and celebrate with me at my highest points and just be the rock that keeps me going when life gets rough
I fucking threw his ring in the pond. Lol it was ugly as fuck & he thought he could pass it up as an engagement ring trying to ask me if I wanna marry him and shit. Fucking dumbass.
I’m just gonna pretend like he blew off meeting with me to chill with his ugly & slutty ex girlfriend & that he doesn’t want to see me until after Easter so he can smoke with her all day as she gives him herpes. This way, I’ll move on & hate him forever.
Treat yourself the way you treat your favorite characters. Look into your back-story to understand your current plot. Sympathize with yourself. Recognize your flaws, and appreciate your strengths. Defend yourself. Cheer yourself on when you go into battle. Appreciate every relationship you make and always look for hidden potential. You’re the protagonist in your story. You’re the main character. You’re the hero.
Treat yourself like one.
After a week, I finally try to make up & get back together, & now he’s saying we need a break? Like a fucking week isn’t enough of a break for him? What the fuck does he need a break for? Fucking other girls? Trying to get used to being over for real? You don’t fucking have breaks if you want a healthy relationship & he’s the one who keeps bugging me about being normal. What a fucking hypocrite. Usually, when couples agree to take a break, there’s something completely wrong that will lead to an actual break up. So excuse me if I don’t want to fucking talk about this break shit & I’m not going to fucking stand for it. I was finally gonna apologize for being a psycho & promise to try to not be one, but the nigga fucking ruined it by giving me shit for trying to explain why then telling me we need a time off so I can fucking think. I’m fucking done thinking. I made up my fucking mind & you just fucking ruined it with yoyr assumptions and jumping into conclusions. I can’t fucking deal with this shit anymore.
"All of my memories, I want to keep them close to my heart. I want to go on believing I am going to hold on. No matter how hard it might be sometimes, I never want to forget. Because someday, I will be strong enough. All the memories that are painful now, they won’t hurt anymore. And when the day comes, I’ll be glad to have them. Yes, all of my memories are precious to me. Every single one."
I used to live by this quote. Now, I’m not so sure if I believe it anymore. I just want to have my memory erased. I want to forget everything because it hurts to remember. I always thought I was strong through all the things I went through. And though this is just a breakup, it’s been the worst & I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be with him, but I love him with everything I am & everything I have. I just can’t deal with the fighting and all the pain that comes with. I don’t want to keep doing this anymore. I just want to be done. & the only way I can completely move on & be happy again is if all of my memory of him disappears and I’m no longer tempted by love to stay in this toxic relationship.
The only things that distract the pain are work and Gossip Girl. I want to cry driving to and from work. I cry in between episodes. I cry when I’m alone. Because it reminds me that I have no one anymore. & honestly, I haven’t been this sad or felt so alone ever since I ran away in 6th grade. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
I wish we can just start over. You were so great before. We were so great. I wish we didn’t think we knew each other so well. Our relationship was more interesting when we were still learning. Why did we stop? We still don’t know everything about each other. We can still learn something each and every day. I miss being adventurous with you. Remember when you took me ice skating for the first time because you knew I’ve never been & I’ve always wanted to? I miss times like that - when you tried to help me accomplish & do everything I’ve always wanted to. I miss the old us. I wish we can start over with a clean slate and forget everything we ever learned about each other so that we can learn them again and not make the same mistakes we made this time around. I wish life would just give us a chance to start all over and take us back to the first time we met. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that, and we have to face the facts that we will never work out no matter how hard we both try. Because in the end, us trying our best isn’t going to save our relationship. Everything happens for a reason, and I hope we cross paths again someday because I really do love you and I really want to believe that you are the one for me.